What a difference just a few months make. I have learned that it is much easier to stay excited about struggling and finding God when you are in an exciting and uplifting time. Since December I have run into some resistence in many forms.

I now find that my job as a General Manager, while at times enjoyable, is more of a trap I set for myself than it is an opportunity. I work endless hours, suffer countless late nights and headaches and I have almost nothing to show for it.

I am also single again. The world has a slightly different tint to it right after a relationship. It has been a few months since me and my girlfriend broke up and I find myself wondering how long it takes to move on. The "experts" claim it takes, on average, 1/2 the amount of time you spent with a person. I might only be 22 but I just don't feel like I have 2 years. Part of me is convinced she did the right thing. Part of me hopes one day our paths will cross again. None of me understands why things can be so difficult.

Logically I know this is an opportunity. This is the position I have been waiting for; the chance to fully rely on God and see another side of His glory. I want to see God show up in a big way; and I know he is willing and ready too...

but I have to wonder:

Why do I pray for a chance to suffer so that I can see God, then when I find myself suffering I only push him away?


It is easy to pray for suffering when all is well...